- Face it, Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron's home run record. He'll end up in the Hall of Fame. There will be no asterisks next to whatever number he ends up with. Personally, I can't stand the guy but the reality of it is, as far as any of us know, he never actually violated baseball's rules. So shame on Major League Baseball for taking until 2002 to actually implement a steroids policy. I can't condone what Bonds did off the field, but I also can't deny what he's done on it. While this most sacred record in sports will fall to one of the most reviled athletes of all time, it does not lessen the greatness of Hammerin' Hank just as Babe Ruth became no less of a baseball great when Aaron hit 715. I, for one, will only use this moment to trumpet the achievements of the Man Bonds will pass...and immediately move on to looking for someone to surpass Barry. Now, your companions at the bar might not get too worked up about this, because when I'm right, I'm right. But while we're on the subject, I will say this: If Bonds gets elected to the Hall of Fame, they damn well better re-instate Pete Rose and put Charlie Hustle in Cooperstown. If you're going to let the a-holes in, let 'em all in. Wash that one down with a pint!
- Hey Yankees fans! I hate to tell you this, but you're done. The Spanks and the Jays play with themselves 14 times before the end of the season (effectively cancelling each other out), while the Red Sox have 15 more games against the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. Your pitching is patchwork, your hitting is suspect and you've got a bunch of aging players who are going to need oxygen by the second week of August. Look, you're celebrating the fact that you just hit .500. If it weren't for A-Rod, you guys could make the D-Rays look like world beaters. But go ahead and try to make him the $30 Million Dollar Man while you're all golfing in October, I'll be getting ready for the Victory Parade.
- Oh goody, David Beckham is here! I dare you to name 5 MLS teams. Go ahead, give it a shot. This will be a great bar game this weekend...see how many people at the bar can tell you both the name of his new team AND who his wife is. I'm betting a lot more know the latter than the former. To top it all off, he's not that great a player. But for those of you taking notes, if you marry a pop star, have a movie made with your name in the title and are better regarded for your fashion sense than your skills on the field, come to America! We'll overpay you to bring your star power to a league that...wait, we have professional soccer in this country?
- This one is a brilliant strategy proposed by my friend Don. Bring up Jacoby Ellsbury now. The Kid can play. Use him to spell ALL of the outfielders, taking a turn in right, center and left each week. It gets The Kid some more time in front of Major League pitching, gets him used to the Friendly Confines, and JD, Coco and Manny get a few days off before we get into playoff season. The bonus here is you have speed on the bench (remember Dave Roberts anyone?), a player who hits for average and a 4th outfielder who isn't a liabilty on both sides of the ball (bye-bye, Wily Mo, I wish you the best, don't strike out on your way out the door...). No need to thank me, just let Tito Francona know I'm available...
- Please, please, PLEASE don't let Mark Cuban buy the Chicago Cubs!!!! This moron is trying to sue Don Nelson for using "insider information" to beat the Mavericks in the NBA playoffs! Imagine what would happen if he bought the Cubbies. Anybody have an over/under on how long it would take for him to start trying to push through legislation ordering every goat in the Mid-west be euthanized? Get over it Mark! Your team is not good enough to win an NBA Championship. Dirk Nowitzki is a S-T-I-F-F! I'm not sure which of you scowls more. Having Mark Cuban as your team's owner is the sporting equivalent of that stupid Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie show. On second thought, anybody think Steinbrenner's looking for a successor?
The Red Sox are taking 2 out of 3 against the Jays, and then Kansas Sh*tty comes to town for 3, break out the brooms. Have a great weekend folks!
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