I know, I know...

I've been slacking, I'll admit it. Damned real life interfering with my blogging. Maybe all of you readers out there should pay me to do this instead. I know there's at least one of you!

Anyhow, there has been a great deal of action in the World Of Sports, and It Takes Balls is ready to tackle it head on this morning. So grab another cup of coffee, or more advisably a beer, and get ready for some reading.

• The Boston Celtics are suddenly relevant again! OK, it isn't a done deal yet but let's consider it a fait accompli...Kevin Garnett is coming to Boston! First off, let me say that I love Al Jefferson. I think the kid is a class act with oodles of talent that we are just beginning to see come to the surface. So Al, let me extend my hand and heartily shake, wishing you nothing but the best. A bit of advice, take a trip over to EMS before you head out. If you thought the winters in Boston were bad, Minny is just cruel. OK, now that I have that out of the way, can I please GUSH WITH JOY?!?!?! Kevin Freakin' Garnett??? With Paul Pierce and Ray Allen????? I predicted on the 10th of July that Ainge would fail to make a meaningful trade (of course in the same column I stated the Tiger would win the British Open and that KG was staying in MN then going to play with Kobe...not one of my better days apparently). I was wrong. I was wrong, and I couldn't be happier. KG is easily one of the Top 10 players in the NBA, arguably Top 5. He plays with unbridled passion, plus he has that unique facet that cannot be coached- he's a super-star coming into the twilight of his Prime who has nothing to prove except that he can place on of those gaudy World Championship rings on his finger. And now he is going to be teamed with 2 other All-Stars who have nothing to prove other than that they can wear a Championship ring. How do these guys NOT make the NBA Finals this year? The Cavs made it to the Finals with LeBron and a bunch of guys who ought to be playing pick-up games in Boyden gym at UMass. Sure, they got smoked by an infintely superior Spurs team, but this Celtics team is now head and shoulders above everyone in the East with the possible exceptions of Detroit and Miami and if this column weren't already going to be ridiculously long I could (and would) argue quite strongly that neither of those teams will match up. Look, Pierce and Allen are an offensive force that would have driven defenses crazy, because both demand a double-team or they will score at will. The knock, of course, was that the C's might score 120 a night, but could they prevent other teams from putting up 125? Now you've got Garnett, a perennial Defensive Player of the Year candidate AND a powerful offensive force. Other than Tim Duncan, there is not another power forward in the NBA worthy of even being mentioned in the same breath as Garnett. It's been 2o years since the last "Big 3" lifted my beloved Celts to the Promised Land, and now another 3 is coming to take us back. For the first time since the late '80s, Celtics fans can sit back and enjoy the ride. This could be, wait for it...

• The Greatest Year in Boston Sports Ever!!!! Think about it. The Red Sox are clearly lead candidates in any debate to take the World Series. The New England Patriots biggest competition may be themselves. And the Boston Celtics have suddenly gone from the second-worst team in basketball to a top 5 pick to win it all. If it happens, will it spell the end of Bill Simmons career as the Sports Guy? I know I probably shouldn't even think about this, and truthfully, when I woke up yesterday morning it wasn't even conceivable. Of course when I heard WEEI's John Dennis reveal the KG rumblings yesterday morning, the sportus fanaticus Bostonian instantly took over. So OK, I'm going to do my best to not dwell on this until the Red Sox win the World Series, really, I'm going to try.

• Speaking of the Red Sox, I missed the opportunity to applaud the return of Jon Lester. With all of the distasteful sporting news of the last few weeks, this kid's return from cancer to take the mound last week marks as one of the more compelling stories in all of sports. While Lester is not the first to come back from cancer to continue on with a career in professional sports, the speed and determination with which he did so, and the remarkable spirit he displayed throughout, are worthy of mention. So here's to you Jon, may your career be long and prosperous, and may your fingers be adorned with many a ring.

• More on the Sox, I really wish people would stop whining about the status of David Ortiz. First of all, Papi is hitting .320. Second of all, ask any manager in Major League Baseball if they would like to have Ortiz up in the bottom of the ninth, down two with runners on first and second and they'd all jump at the chance. No one denies that his power numbers are down, but look at what he has done for us over the past several years. How can you blast this guy for anything? A word about his knee, as well. I had the identical problem and subsequent surgery. It can be painful, and annoying. It can certainly sap some power and strength. That said, the knee won't keep him from launching the ball and it doesn't prevent you from getting hits in key situations. Big Papi is one of the greatest clutch hitters to ever play the game, and when we need him, he will be there. I realize that it is nearly impossible for many of the citizens of Red Sox Nation to accept that the Sox are hot and won't fall apart, and I do understand where that comes from. But can't we please all just enjoy it?

• I would be remiss if I didn't take one more dig at that stupid a-hole, Michael Vick. Current concensus amongst the 2 or 3 people I've discussed it with is that he should be hog-tied, coated in bar-b-que sauce and dropped into a pen with a dozen rabid, starving dogs. Can we get this on Pay-Per-View?

That's all for today. Keep your eyes out for Friday's re-cap of our Family Day at Fenway. Wake takes the mound, and we take the bleachers. Please pray for an ocean breeze for us!

Afternoon update! The latest repost from ESPN's Jayson Stark is the Red Sox will trade Kason Gabbard and David Murphy for Eric Gagne. I'm good with that. Hang tight, we'll have an answer on the Jermaine Dye sweepstakes sometime in the next hour and a half...I'll update if I can.

Another Barstool Friday...

Another Friday, another chance to plop your ass on the barstool and stir up some controversy! There's a lot that's going on, so I'll get right to it!

• What should be done with Michael Vick? Really, this guy disgusts me. I've had several thoughts on how he should be handled that aren't fit for print, but suffice to say they involve treatments not dissimilar from how he and his punk buddies treated the dogs. If I were running the NFL (feel free to nominate me!), I'd be preparing the paperwork for a lifetime ban from the game. If he's convicted (for what it is worth, the Feds have never lost a case of this nature), this should be a foregone conclusion. If I'm the Falcons (PLEASE don't nominate me to run them!), I'm cutting him loose now. Distance yourself from this thug as soon as possible. Maybe Michael can bunk with his brother.

• The British Open has been interesting already!!! First we have Gary Player stating that there are golfers out there on steriods or HGH or whatever. Good times! Then Big John Daly eagles the 11th, takes sole posession of the lead at 5 under, and promptly falls apart to close with a 3-over 74. I love this, I could probably shoot 8 over for 7 holes too! And then we have Sergio Garcia shooting a 65. Does anybody...anybody not see a 75 on his card coming? Watch for Tiger to shoot about a 66 or 67 today and slowly work his way to the top of the leader board by the end of play Saturday. His 3-peat is as good as gold. And yes, I know he's +2 after 1 hole. I stand by my statements. Oh and by the way, the European press is apparently having a field day with the ruling Tiger got on the ball by the TV cables. Must suck to know you won't have a Champion of your own to write about.
  

• Is Asante Samuel the stupidest man in America? Dude, you made $700K last year! Sign the friggin' tender offer already! Seriously, somebody offers you $7 million plus to show up to work for 20-25 weeks and you say NO?!?!?!?!? Wouldn't anybody like to be paid the average of the Top 5 Highest Paid Persons performing the same basic job you have? If he holds out till Week 10, I hope (and believe) Belichick lets him ride pine for the rest of the season. If Mike Vick weren't a lock for the Stupid Loser of the Year Award, Samuel would have to be considered a front-runner.

• OK, I know that yesterday I went on about how the Boston Red Sox were fine, and I still believe it. But dammit man, we need to get a few breaks. We seem unable to hit with runners in scoring position. You can see the frustration starting to set in. They know they are better than this. WE know they are better than this, but please let the Baseball Gods smile on us a few times over this weekend. There's a third of the season left...that's a lot of baseball. In 2004, we had a similar mid-season lull and we all know how that turned out. I'm sick of the panic talk, I'm tired of "oh no, here come the Yankees". I've told you all before that the Yankees can't take down the Sox this season. Only the Sox can take themselves down. We just need a little kick in the ass. A game where it all seems easy and these guys remember why they are arguably the best team in baseball. Let's turn things around this weekend boys, swing for the fences! Side note: I'm starting to believe Theo will make a trade before the deadline. I don't know who, but can I implore the Front Office to make sure Wily Mo goes as a part of it?
  

• Hey, apparently the FBI is investigating an NBA referee for gambling on games, including those he officiated. Anybody else hoping they find out that he bet against the Celtics a lot and David Stern demands that as compensation, Portland has to give us Greg Oden? Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

That's all I've got for today folks. Raise a pint and toast the Baseball Gods, let's give the Sox a few lucky breaks this weekend. Till the next time...

Winners, Losers and why the Red Sox will be just fine...

Winners: OK, there aren't a lot of winners this week in the It Takes Balls world of sports. Sure, there were plenty of teams who won recently, on one level or another...it's just that I don't care about them. But I'd like to take a moment to congratulate the Philadelphia Phillies and their fans on setting a record that will stand for a long time. Sure, it took them 123 years to accomplish it, but 10,000 losses is nothing to laugh about. It's something to laugh at.

Losers: I'd rip the Phillies here again, but only Michael Vick kicks a dog when he's down. Speaking of which, Vick takes the Loser of the Year Award in July. That's got to be a record, we don't even have to wait to see who else blows it big time, Vick just ran away with it. Other big losers in the past week have to include the Milwaukee Bucks. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's bull that a 22...I'm sorry, 18 year old lottery pick gets to throw a hissy fit and refuse to report to a team that drafted him. It's wrong, and the NBA should have a rule in place to prevent this from happening. All that said, I don't have a lot sympathy for the Bucks. Jianlian TOLD you that he wouldn't report if you drafted him. You did it anyway. I'm totally convinced that Bucks GM Lary Harris called Isiah Thomas for advice on this one. This was totally an Isiah-style move. Take a golden opportunity and toss it out the window. How long before the "Michael Redd requests trade" rumors start? I'm going to be nice and say December. And before I move on, is anyone disappointed to hear that Stephon Marbury is leaving for Italy when his contract is up? I think fans of teams like the Knicks, Celtics, T-wolves and other bastions of GM incompetence breathed a collective sigh of relief here. I know I did.

Finally, the Boston Red Sox... The Sox are fine folks. I can't explain why the dreadful Royals seem to have our number. I have to believe that on some level it is just a let down psychologically. Seeing 3 games against the Royals coming up on the schedule is kind of like seeing that there is a pre-season game scheduled against Boston College. You know you have to show up at the park and put on the uniform, but you don't really feel like you will be playing baseball. I'm not giving them a pass here, there is no excuse for blowing an opportunity to maintain the gap in the AL East, but I don't see it as the sign of the Apocolypse that many citizens of Red Sox Nation seem to. Repeat after me "It is NOT 1978...it is NOT 1978".

Let's take a look at what is coming up over the next two weeks. We kick it off this evening against the ChiSox for a 4 gamer at Fenway. The White Sox are a decent team, but they dropped 3 out of 4 to the friggin' Orioles last weekend. Expect the same results in Boston this weekend. A week long road trip follow, agaist a tough Indians team in Cleveland for 4, and then a trip down south to devestate the Rays. Cleveland doesn't worry me, I think we can easily manage a split with them and fully expect Manny to be on fire. We follow that up with the Rays ('nuff said), a day off and then 3 at home agaist the O's. I'll take that as a 6 game sweep of bottom dwellers which gives a bit of momentum before a short tip out west.

The Red Sox woes right now are minor. We haven't been geting timely hitting, but Papi & Manny are starting to hit for power, Lowell continues to be dominant and Julio Lugo suddenly looks like Ichiro. Schill seems to be re-habbing nicely, we'll see how his starts for the PawSox go, but all reports are that he looks great. We've got some young arms ready to fill in as well, and if we can generate some offensive consistency we'll be back on track. I know it is almost a genetic response amongst those if us in Red Sox Nation to panic any time the Yankees appear in the rear view mirror, but we have to take a deep breath and remember who we have out there. This Red Sox team has the pieces to be one of the most potent offnsive juggernauts in recent history. We haven't seen that from them yet, but I can't help but believe that the time is coming. Keep The Faith, RSN, we're fine.

Two last items. If you are looking for some fun in the sun, check out the base ball action at the Vintage Base Ball Playoffs & World Series . Should be a great time out in Westfield, Massachusetts!!! Also, watch for my column on the August 2nd Red Sox - Orioles game. We'll span 4 generations of the family at that game, I'll recount all out the action from Fenway...until next time, GO SOX!!!!!

Barstool Friday...

Each and every Friday, except for some Fridays when I don't, I will be bringing you Barstool Friday!, my personal commentary on the topics most likely to spark lively conversations with the drunk next to you at the bar. Please note, It Takes Balls bears no responsibility for what may happen if you actually choose to bring up these topics. If you get arrested after a bar fight, not my fault. If a Yankees fan breaks your nose, again, not my fault. If you get strange looks and the patrons of the bar all move away from you there, still not my fault. So let's get started, but before we do, I'll leave you with this tidbit of sage advice...if you are in New York or LA, you probably don't want to repeat anything you read here.

• Face it, Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron's home run record. He'll end up in the Hall of Fame. There will be no asterisks next to whatever number he ends up with. Personally, I can't stand the guy but the reality of it is, as far as any of us know, he never actually violated baseball's rules. So shame on Major League Baseball for taking until 2002 to actually implement a steroids policy. I can't condone what Bonds did off the field, but I also can't deny what he's done on it. While this most sacred record in sports will fall to one of the most reviled athletes of all time, it does not lessen the greatness of Hammerin' Hank just as Babe Ruth became no less of a baseball great when Aaron hit 715. I, for one, will only use this moment to trumpet the achievements of the Man Bonds will pass...and immediately move on to looking for someone to surpass Barry. Now, your companions at the bar might not get too worked up about this, because when I'm right, I'm right. But while we're on the subject, I will say this: If Bonds gets elected to the Hall of Fame, they damn well better re-instate Pete Rose and put Charlie Hustle in Cooperstown. If you're going to let the a-holes in, let 'em all in. Wash that one down with a pint!

• Hey Yankees fans! I hate to tell you this, but you're done. The Spanks and the Jays play with themselves 14 times before the end of the season (effectively cancelling each other out), while the Red Sox have 15 more games against the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. Your pitching is patchwork, your hitting is suspect and you've got a bunch of aging players who are going to need oxygen by the second week of August. Look, you're celebrating the fact that you just hit .500. If it weren't for A-Rod, you guys could make the D-Rays look like world beaters. But go ahead and try to make him the $30 Million Dollar Man while you're all golfing in October, I'll be getting ready for the Victory Parade.

• Oh goody, David Beckham is here! I dare you to name 5 MLS teams. Go ahead, give it a shot. This will be a great bar game this weekend...see how many people at the bar can tell you both the name of his new team AND who his wife is. I'm betting a lot more know the latter than the former. To top it all off, he's not that great a player. But for those of you taking notes, if you marry a pop star, have a movie made with your name in the title and are better regarded for your fashion sense than your skills on the field, come to America! We'll overpay you to bring your star power to a league that...wait, we have professional soccer in this country?

• This one is a brilliant strategy proposed by my friend Don. Bring up Jacoby Ellsbury now. The Kid can play. Use him to spell ALL of the outfielders, taking a turn in right, center and left each week. It gets The Kid some more time in front of Major League pitching, gets him used to the Friendly Confines, and JD, Coco and Manny get a few days off before we get into playoff season. The bonus here is you have speed on the bench (remember Dave Roberts anyone?), a player who hits for average and a 4th outfielder who isn't a liabilty on both sides of the ball (bye-bye, Wily Mo, I wish you the best, don't strike out on your way out the door...). No need to thank me, just let Tito Francona know I'm available...

• Please, please, PLEASE don't let Mark Cuban buy the Chicago Cubs!!!! This moron is trying to sue Don Nelson for using "insider information" to beat the Mavericks in the NBA playoffs! Imagine what would happen if he bought the Cubbies. Anybody have an over/under on how long it would take for him to start trying to push through legislation ordering every goat in the Mid-west be euthanized? Get over it Mark! Your team is not good enough to win an NBA Championship. Dirk Nowitzki is a S-T-I-F-F! I'm not sure which of you scowls more. Having Mark Cuban as your team's owner is the sporting equivalent of that stupid Paris Hilton/Nicole Ritchie show. On second thought, anybody think Steinbrenner's looking for a successor?

The Red Sox are taking 2 out of 3 against the Jays, and then Kansas Sh*tty comes to town for 3, break out the brooms. Have a great weekend folks!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the grocery store...

OK, this admittedly has nothing to do with sports, but as I've pointed out in painful detail over the last two days, there's not much happening in the sports world right now anyway. This is one of those photos that had someone emailed it to me I'd be sure it was a hoax, some skilled Photoshopper with way to much time on his hands. But no, this is a real photo posted in the Daily Hampshire Gazette, taken in the parking lot of the Northampton, Massachusetts Stop & Shop grocery store. But before I let the picture speak its thousand words, let me add that the woman who owns the red Subaru had just returned from her lawyer's office...where she was having her will prepared!

The Two Worst Days In Sports

It's hard to believe, but last night and tomorrow night...the Monday before and the Wednesday after the MLB All-Star game, respectively...are the only two days in the entire year that there are absolutely zero major US sporting events. There's football on Thanksgiving, basketball on Christmas and New Year's Day is Sporting Paradise. Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day? Baseball rules the Summer Season. 363 days a year, there is major league professional sports happening in the good ol' US of A.

So what's a sports blogger to do, when there are two days of non-action sandwiched around a third day which might as well have no action?

Make predictions of course! So here's the It Takes Balls look ahead to all things worthy of consideration, and some that are not.

• The Simpsons Movie will be brilliant. Not Godfather-brilliant, not Caddyshack-brilliant. But pure Simpsons brilliant. Sure, the naysayers question how a half hour cartoon ripe with satire will translate to the Big Screen, but let's face it...nobody expected an animated sit-com about a dis-functional family missing digits and looking jaundiced would become the longest running sit-com of all-time. And it keeps on rolling, year after year. I have faith the writers can pull this off. If you need proof, the "Who Shot Mr. Burns?" two-parter should be enough. I can't wait.
• The Boston Red Sox will start hitting, Schilling will be back to form by September, there won't be any major trade deadline moves, Jon Lester and Jacoby Ellsbury will be on the playoff roster, Wily Mo Pena is history, the Sox will face the Detroit Tigers in one of the best ALCS in history, with the Sox prevailing and beating San Diego in the World Series in 5 games. Remember, you read it here first.
• Danny Ainge will fail to pull off another major trade to bolster my beloved Boston Celtics before the season starts, leaving the team (again) mired in mediocrity except that they play in the Leastern Conference and with a healthy Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, they will lead the Atlantic Division heading to the trading deadline. In a desperation move, Ainge will acquire an aging point guard after realizing Rajon Rondo isn't quite ready to lead the team with a 3.2 PPG average and the Celts will make the playoffs with a sub-.500 record. They'll be ousted in the first round by somebody like the Cavaliers because the fact that they don't play any defense will leave them helpless in any multi-game series. On the bright side, Al Jefferson will be a monster...I just hope it isn't for another team.
• The New England Patriots will win the Super Bowl. Do I really need to expand on this? Have you looked at this team? Engrave the trophy now.
• The Boston Bruins will remain irrelevant and no one under the age of 10 will even realize that New England has a professional hockey team.
• Tiger Woods will win the British Open (or more properly, The Open Championship) as well as the PGA, if for no other reason than to quiet the rumblings that having a child has made him soft. Have you ever noticed that about this guy? As soon as some sports writer searching for copy starts questioning his ability to continue to dominate, he rattles off a few Majors and shuts everybody up. The Field once again starts disappearing on Sundays, we get week after week of the Billion Dollar Smile hoisting trophys and Nike has another year's worth of commerical fodder. I can't help but love the guy. He's the single most interesting figure in sports, and will remain so for another 15 years. It's like Michael Jordan being in his prime for 25 years. Killer.
• The debate over whether The Sopranos finale was the lamest final episode in the history of television or a massive artistic triumph will continue until at least New Year's. I've never seen the show, not once, but I know more about that episode than anything broadcast on television this year. Make it stop. Please.
• And finally, Kevin Garnett will play the year out in Minnesota and then join the Lakers in the off-season. The T-wolves will get nothing in return and by Draft Day 2009, Kevin McHale and Danny Ainge will have co-written a book called Misery Loves Company: From NBA Champions to Unemployed GMs

Blue Jays at Red Sox, Thursday night at 7:05. Thank God.

The Mid-Summer Claszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I won't be watching the Major League Baseball Homerun Derby tonight. I doubt I'll tune in to tomorrow night's MLB All-Star game, and if I do, it might just be to watch Josh Beckett strike out the first batter he faces and then I'll move on to something else. I haven't watched the NBA All-Star game in years, I'd rather watch Girl's JV High School hoops on local access. The NFL's Pro Bowl is a convenient excuse to take a trip to Hawaii, but it is hardly a football game. I'm not even sure if hockey HAS an All Star game anymore. Come to think of it, I'm not sure that there are hockey play-offs these days either, but that's another subject all together.

The fact of the matter is, All-Star games have become irrelevant displays of ego stroking and no longer speak to the fans. In baseball and football, even the players aren't interested enough to attend. The baseball All-Star Game had dwindled so far that MLB sunk to new lows to add meaning to the game. Having homefield advantage for the World Series determined by who wins the Mid-Summer "Classic" makes about as much sense as determing NFL playoff seedings by having the place kickers battle it out in a Madden '07 tourney.

So here's my solution. From now on, all All-Star teams should be picked playground-style. The top vote-getters, as picked by the fans, are all lined up on the field/court/rink and the two coaches take alternate picks and field whatever team they can come up with out of who they get. In fact, lets just have one giant All-Star Game, combining the top athletes from the 4 "major sports" in a massive game of kick-ball. Now THAT would be must-see entertainment.

It Takes Balls Welcomes You!!!!

Welcome to the launch of the It Takes Balls blog, where Totally Biased Sports Commentary is the name of the game, regardless of which game I'm talking about. I will expound on all sorts of topics here, generally sports related on some level entirely based upon my mood. Before we begin, let me give you a little quote from something I had written previously which will help you to understand who I am and where I am coming from:

"fanatic
-noun

1. A person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal, as in religion or politics


Yeah, thank you dictionary.com. You forgot sports.

Sports, we watch, listen, read about sports. People do it for different reasons. Some like the logic or strategy of a particular sport. Many people love baseball for the logic, and the statistical analysis. Some football enthusiasts immerse themselves in the battleground aspects of the game. Some like the sheer athleticism, the uncanny feats of grace, speed, height or power that the finest athletes exhibit.

I envy those sorts of people, I really do. You see, I suffer from sportus fanaticus Bostonian.

It's a dreadful disease, it really is. For most it is something that begins in adolescence, although cases of adult on-set are not uncommon. It afflicts persons with some ties to New England, although they need not live in the region currently, or even ever in some cases. I know people in Colorado and California who are as afflicted as many of my fellow Massholes. There are also varying degrees of the disease. Some only suffer from it from April through October, others October through June, still others only September till January. The truly hopeless cases, such as myself, are saddled by it year-round.

The symptoms are unique. Viscious mood swings, ranging from pure ecstasy to inconsolable despondence, are common. An unnatural need to scour the morning paper/internet site/television within moments of waking, returning from a meeting, getting lunch, etc. A strong desire to posess numerous articles of clothing displaying names and numbers or colorful logos. A strong sense of ownership over things that you have none. And finally, an illogical connection of self to team, despite not actually being a member.

This is the life of a sportus fanaticus Bostonian sufferer. And I admit, I am one. I follow the Boston Red Sox, the Boston Celtics and the New England Patriots. Passionately. Daily. In season, off season, draft day, training camp, I am there, mentally if not physically. These are MY teams. Yes, mine dammit. I OWN them and I am a team member. I am coach, cheerleader, General Manager, sportscaster. I feel pain when my teammates go down. I am in the huddle when the final push is about to be made. I am in the home plate celebration after the walk-off home run, on the free throw stripe with the game on the line. I am all those places. It is the disease. And there is no cure, and even if there was, I doubt I'd take it."

On second thought, that probably doesn't help you at all.